The Joy of Waiting (A Father's Journal)

You can actually call it “The Anxious, Joyous, Laborious Waiting!” Since we knew that your Mama is pregnant, we have been living on a month-by-month basis since it was every month that we were able to see or feel you during our visit to the doctor. We wake up very early in the morning to go to the doctor. But usually, we would not sleep until around 2 a.m. in anticipation of our little “family time.” We would always read the book or consult the internet on what to expect at every stage of your development before visiting the doctor. Your Mama and I would formulate all the questions that we want to ask based on what we have learned from these readings in order for us to ensure that you are healthy and developing properly. I always pray for your (and your Mama’s) well being during the pregnancy and beg the Lord to protect you at all times.

The Anxious waiting happens every time we are going to visit the doctor. I am always concerned about you and your Mama and although I always try to think positively, I can’t avoid the negative thoughts about some problems occurring during your Mama’s pregnancy. Of course I keep these not so positive thoughts just to myself since I don’t want this pessimism to rub-off on your Mama. When you grow up, you’ll know what I mean…hehehe. Although it has been quite a smooth ride so far, your Mama and I are always taking the necessary precautions to ensure your safety and stay away from serious complications. Now you see why I get anxious waiting to see you?

The Joyous waiting happens all the time. Every second of every minute of ever.….wait, I’m not that boring so I’ll cut to the chase….every day I always think of the moment when I can finally hold you with my own hands. My baby! My own flesh and blood! I have so many plans for our family and it all revolves around You. Now these are really happy thoughts. These are the ones I try to think of every time I am in the Anxious waiting zone. To kind of get out of that negative feeling, I shift to this thought of pure bliss.

The Laborious waiting zone always kicks in after the Joyous one since I can’t bear to wait for so long before I see and feel your beautiful face, your short shiny hair, small tender fingers and toes, rosy cheeks, round stomach, curvy buttocks, and so many other beautiful details about you. The date of your birth seems like a decade away every time I am in this zone. But of course I have to wait until you are fully developed and ready to join the world. In the meantime, I’ll try to stay in my Joyous zone.